rissy stories

I yanked my hood from my dark blue sweatshirt over my head as I stumbled out into the pouring black rain and dense fog. My ring had accidentally snatched and entangled a piece of my dirty-blonde hair when I moved my hood, but I shoved my hands into my pockets anyway. I felt strands of hair aggressively pluck themselves out of my scalp just as my foot submerged into a puddle that developed in a hollow depression in the brown grass, probably formed by one of the many animals that don’t exist anymore.

I gasped once, but that was all. I was impervious to physical pain, but not the cold. I shook my absorbent black boot with annoyance and then continued to shuffle away as quickly as possible in the downpour, listening to the squishing sound of my sock swimming in a small boot-pond every time I took a step. My entire foot and ankle had gone numb inside the boot, but I couldn’t tell whether it was from the cold or if I had rolled it. However, I could still walk on it, so I shivered and continued carefully onwards, hoping to return before Colin woke up.

The temperature contrast between the shack that my friend and I had been living in for months and the outside was negligible, but I never got used to the cold. The fact that I had lived in warm temperatures year round for the majority of my lifetime did not prepare me for this climate at all, and the rain made it so much worse. I had to fight the urge to open my mouth because those dark ash-and-acid-

drops rolling onto my tongue and slithering down my throat would also poison my system. The nimbostratus clouds permanently dangling over us, looking dead in the sky, were always dark and dreary from ash, dust, and God knows what else, so drinking rain water would have probably been a huge mistake. Not to mention the mixture of the rain with the constant smog that never went away made rain dark and untrustworthy.

However, water of any form was very tempting these days because rain was rare. I hadn’t seen the sun in over 2 years, so the temperature had gotten so cold that the normal temperature all year round resided just below the freezing point. In other words, we were trapped in a permanent winter where it was always too cold to rain or snow. There was no warm air rising into the clouds that would cause them to moisten. However, once every blue moon, the weather teased us with useless, toxic liquid for several days, or even weeks, in a row.

I suddenly heard the creaking of the wooden-shack door and the sound of Colin calling out my name. I groaned out loud, didn’t look back with my head down, and kept walking on my numb leg.

“Ava! Ava, it’s not safe for you out here, come back!” Colin called, his voice reverberating off of the dead trees and echoing in the empty space. I shook my head, kept walking, and ignored his demands. I heard him grunt angrily and then loud squishing behind me. I then broke into a sprint to get away from him, but I didn’t get very far. Not only was my foot practically useless, I hadn’t eaten in days.

The lack of sunlight and toxic rain poisoned the plants, causing them to wither and die, which in turn, exterminated all of the animals that ate those plants: classic extermination of the food-chain. Consequently, there also wasn’t that much for us to eat these days.

I was also a science major in college.

Therefore, due to my lack of energy and my frozen foot, Colin quickly caught up to me and tackled me to the ground. We both splashed into the dead grass with a thud and he rolled me over, pinning me down.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked him angrily, spitting out rainwater. Rain was falling into my eyes as I looked up at him, and it stung like crazy. My hood fell off of my head and my long, straight hair started to get wet. However, my hair had become the least of my concerns, and I tried to ignore it as Colin looked down at me. On the contrary, his curly blonde hair was soaking, looking like the end of a wet mop lying on the top of his head.

“You know how dangerous it is to wander outside alone,” He answered with a tone in his voice that insinuated the fact that I should know better. Colin was breathing hard from the chase and tackle, his breaths were cycles of little white puffballs that materialized, hung in the frozen air, and then vaporized into the fog, along with everything else that had a pulse in this world.

Colin loved to put up a front, but I knew he was getting weaker too. His skin had turned at least three shades darker over the course of several years due to a lack of showers, and he was much skinnier now than he was when I met him. We had only known each other for one year, but became closer when his girlfriend and my boyfriend died about a month ago.

“It’s not that dangerous,” I argued with a roll of my eyes. Then I blinked rapidly, adjusting to the burning raindrops. I highly doubted that there would be anyone even remotely dangerous that I would come across on a day like today.

“Yes it is! Especially in the rain, you have to come back inside,” Colin insisted. I suddenly realized that we were not talking about the same type of danger, and that’s when something snapped inside of me. The next thing I knew, my fists were clenching front of his shirt and I managed to flip him over such that I was the one hovering over him. He gasped in shock and wheezed after I slammed his back against the soggy ground, hard.

“Look, just because Lucy got an infection does not mean that I will die from the same thing. I’m just getting out for a bit and I do not need protection from you. Understand?” I asked. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that we would probably die in a matter of months anyways, so there was no need for protection. I honestly didn’t have a heart, period. It permanently evaporated into the fog the day that my boyfriend died. However, Colin was always an optimist, even after Lucy died. He was the type of person who believed that everything happened for a reason, and I honestly did not have it in me to destroy that for him.

I, myself, did not believe that everything happened for a reason. I couldn’t. I had no idea why we even existed in the first place, let alone why we had outlived everything and everyone we’d ever loved. Blind faith and hearsay were never satisfactory for me, even before I had witnessed death over and over and over again. The death of nature, animals, and humanity would be enough to kill the faith of even the most devout, I’m sure.

However, Colin still possessed a soul in the aftermath of everything that we’d been through. It was admirable, but simultaneously foolish. That kind of willpower to hope attracts a certain amount of pain that neither of us had anymore strength to carry on top of everything else.

At this point, I’d welcome death with open arms if I had no other choice.

Colin’s blue eyes had gone wide at the sound of his girlfriend’s name and he flinched at my bluntness in regards to her death. He nodded quickly at me and his hands were held up to me in surrender.

“I’m sorry, Ava. It’s just that…because you can’t feel physical pain, the probability of you getting hurt and not even knowing about-“

“Colin, for the last time. I DO NOT have an illness that causes me to be immune to pain. I just have a VERY low pain tolerance. Please stop being so paranoid about my health and worry about you for a change,” I harshly cut him off and lied. I actually was insensitive to physical pain – had been all of my life.

However, I was sicker of him trying to “doctor” me all the time, especially since he dropped out of medical school during his very first year. However, I had to admit that Lucy would not have lived with an infection as long as she did without Colin. The fact that he couldn’t save her has only made him more paranoid, and showing him that I could take care of myself in a stone-cold manner was the only effective action I could think of.

I used his chest to push myself up and off of the ground, and I pulled my soaked hood back over my head again, even though it was useless. My stomach growled intensely and I groaned with hunger. We officially ran out of food about a week ago and it’s been raining ever since. All we had was shelter in that tiny shack and all I wanted was to find something to eat, even if it was soggy, wet, dead grass. I looked down at my feet, wondering how the hell I could possibly find it appetizing, when I heard Colin cough and spit phlegm. I used my hand to motion towards him.

“See? You’ve had that cough for weeks now, why don’t you concentrate on that instead of me?” I asked loudly, trying to talk over the pounding rain, with my hands on my hips. Colin shot me a glare and slowly stood up, looking fatigued.

“I can’t do anything about my cough because medicine doesn’t exist anymore, but you can do something about preventing getting hurt or developing an infection,” He explained. I rolled my eyes again and folded my arms over my chest.

“If you had actually finished medical school, you would know that there are natural remedies for a cough, not just cough syrup or cough drops,” I responded with attitude. Colin scoffed and looked rapidly around him with his arms held out at his sides.

“And what exactly would you suggest? Should I ingest some poisonous, and possibly radioactive, peppermint, honey, or lemons? If we can even find any around here that haven’t already decayed,” He yelled over the rain, spitting out water in the process. I threw my arms up in the air.

“Well, what do you want from me, Colin? Am I not allowed to even leave the shack anymore?” I asked incredulously. Colin shrugged and shook his head.

“I don’t know. All I do know is that being exposed to the rain could potentially be dangerous, so we need to go back in until it stops,” He said. I shook my head and clenched my fists again, feeling like stomping my feet like a five-year-old having a temper tantrum.

“It’s been a whole week! We can’t keep living like this without food, Colin! Everything around us is poisonous, the air is poisonous for Christ’s sake, and we can’t afford to be this careful anymore! We’ll end up killing ourselves if we don’t take a risk!” I cried helplessly, trying to get him to see reason. My voice broke at the end of my rant while Colin gulped painfully, like it was almost taking too much energy just to move his large Adam’s apple up and down his throat. He coughed again and I blinked tiredly, my fingers also growing numb from being balled up in fists so tightly. However, my anger slowly faded away as Collin continued to cough so much that tears were forming in his eyes.

As annoying as he was, I still cared about him.

I ran a hand through my wet hair and pushed my hood back, feeling the freezing rain hit my skin again. Tears formed in my amber eyes as I stared up at the sky, wondering what the two of us could have possibly done to deserve surviving in a world like this. Not only that, but I didn’t deserve to even have Colin by my side, considering the person I had become. My mind automatically went to Max next, wondering where he was and what he was doing. I wondered if he was happier wherever he resided now than he was here. I wondered if he regretted what he did to himself.

In the midst of these morbid curiosities, I heard Colin stop coughing, but he sounded miles away from me.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe we’re the poisonous ones and that we should just leave things along at this point?” Colin asked, sounding curious. I lowered my head and looked at him again. He was looking back at me with bags under his blue eyes and a pale face. Deep down, it finally hit me, the knowledge that he didn’t have as much time left as I had originally thought. Not to mention that he was beginning to sound like he wanted to just roll over and give up. A lump formed in the back of my throat at the thought of being completely alone, and I shook my head, my concern for him growing minute by minute.

“W-What are you talking about?” I stuttered worriedly. Colin sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his wet sleeve. He stared off into the fog as I continued to stare at him.

“We killed this place, Ava. I mean…we destroyed it. We made it this way, and you know what, we had plenty of warnings, and we just ignored all of them. Now…we’re suffering the consequences, and maybe the reason that we’re still alive is to help rebuild it, which is why we HAVE to be careful and can’t take risks,” He finally replied in a calm voice. And just like that, my concern for him was gone. I felt boiling-hot anger bubble inside of my chest again. I was officially DONE with his constant “everything-happens-for-a-reason” attitude. I couldn’t go along with this anymore, no matter how inhumane it would be to tear apart his soul.

It’s one thing to hear a public service announcement, read, watch a movie, or TV show about the end of the world as a form of entertainment, but it’s a completely different thing to actually live it. I wasn’t about to take on the responsibility of rebuilding, as well as repopulating, the planet. I wanted to survive until I had a natural death that would release me from this miserable life. THAT was it. I didn’t want to leave this world feeling as though I did not do everything that I possibly could to survive, but I didn’t want to live to see the world rebuilt either.

“Look, no one could have possibly seen this coming, especially this soon. It just happened, Colin. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, it just happened. And I swear to God, if this is just a come-on to get me to have sex with you-“

“No! Ava, no. That’s not what this is. I love Lucy, you know that.”
“Loved. You loved Lucy.”
“I’m eventually going to see her again, just like you’re going to see Max.”

“Max and Lucy are dead, Colin, we don’t know where they are. And if you truly think that we’re supposed to rebuild this planet, we’re going to have to partner up, and we’re not going to see them for a fairly long time. We’re only twenty-five,” I argued, trying to make him see that he wasn’t making any sense. Colin finally looked like he was finally getting fed up with me.

“That’s why I said eventually,” Colin finished the banter before going into another coughing fit. I huffed with frustration and uselessly wiped water off of my forehead. The rain had not eased, but neither of us even noticed it anymore. He was annoying me so much lately that I couldn’t even possibly imagine getting together with Colin in that fashion. Not to mention the fact that we were both slowly dying, and even if Colin’s little theory was correct…then we were poisonous to this world and there would be no sense in rebuilding it. It was already hopeless, we’d done the damage, and now the planet was angry. It was a lose-lose situation.

The deterioration of hope was not in my control – but surviving as long as I could was.

“Colin-“ I began when his coughing began to quiet down, but he suddenly snapped at me.

“Ava, STOP. Just stop it,” He screamed and I froze, my eyes going wide as he continued, “I have to believe that there’s a reason for all of this, so stop trying to dissuade me from believing it, okay? Despite everything that’s happened, I can’t give up on the idea that we’re supposed to survive in order to rebuild the lives that we should have had, and not to just survive in a world like this until we keel over so that we don’t have any guilt about giving up. I miss Lucy like crazy, but I don’t want to die!” Colin cried, tears blending in with the raindrops flowing down his cheeks. His face was no longer pale, but beet red. His entire body was shaking from a mixture of anger and coldness, and his deep voice was cracking. This was the angriest and most undone I’d ever seen Colin, but it at least eased my fear of him wanting to give up. I shook off my shock, gulped, and nodded at him.

“Okay-okay, Colin. I don’t want to die either.” I told him half-truthfully, taking a step towards him and placing my hands on his shoulders awkwardly, trying to comfort him, but not doing a very good job of it. I hadn’t had any physical contact with anyone in several months, not even so much as a handshake.

However, as soon as I put my hands on his shoulders, he pulled me in for a hug. I gasped with shock, tensed up, and tried to pull away, but he held me tightly and cried into my shoulder. After a moment or two, I forced myself to relax in his arms and hug him back. Over the course of five whole minutes, we continued to hug each other and whisper comforting things when the rain slowed down and finally came to a full stop.

Colin let me go and wiped some of the water off of his face with his hands and he ruffled his hair while I did the same. We looked at each other and laughed for the first time in a long time. Months of dirt and grime had almost completely washed off of our faces and clothes and we looked much paler, but much more refreshed.

“Your skin tone brightened like two whole shades,” He said, and I nodded.

“Same with you,” I replied. We laughed for at least a full minute and then stared at each other in silence. However, for the first time, I didn’t feel intimidated and completely alone by the silence. It was a comforting, understanding silence. The fog around them began to dissipate and the air now smelt like rain (even though it wasn’t fresh) instead of death and decay for the first time in months. It finally felt better to breathe. Colin shut his eyes, took a deep breath in, and exhaled with what sounded like relief because the air was no longer making him cough. Then he opened his eyes and smiled at me.

“So…should we try to find food before we starve ourselves?” He asked now that it had finally stopped raining. I smiled back, surprised that I even remembered how to smile. Then I jerked a thumb back towards the shack.

“I can go back inside the shack while you go search if you’re worried about me getting hurt.” I suggested and he shook his head.

“That’s okay. You have more survival skills than I do and we can’t live in fear forever,” He said. I nodded one last time before we ventured out into the woods

behind the shack, soaking wet and shivering due to the weather, but internally feeling warmer and happier than we had in months.

Apocalypse survival makes strange bedfellows.